A phonecall with scars

After recovering from my scars which I gave to myself, I thought I am now absolutely alright. Unfortunately, I interpreted wrong. A phone call shattered me again into pieces through inside. I tried to smile, I tried to fight with the feeling of calling unwanted to myself, but after sometime I burst up into tears. I was crying and shouting like anything but found no one was around me to listen, at that particular moment, a wave with a feeling of loneliness also hit me. I tried to maintain the distance with walls around her and tried to keep her eyes away from any sharp things because I knew that I will hurt myelf if I came in contact with any of these. Unfortunately, after few moment I lost my control over me and started banging my head on walls and lit my ciggrate to burn myself. I was smiling, I was enjoying that particular moment because I matched my outside with scars of inside. I smiled because I fought with the feeling of suicide, I harmed myself instead of suicidal attempt. For others I must be stupid, mad, or a cutter, but for myself, I am a fighter.

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A phone call from a person who was reason of my life proves that I can not run away through sadness, lonliness and depression. My wounds will never leave me alone. I will die thousand time before my actual death.

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